Matilda's Soap Box

The perfect weight – my theory on finding and keeping it

2010-01-09T20:04:00.002+01:00

Have you ever been on a diet that actually worked, only to find yourself gaining back your weight after a while? Do you keep clothes that are too big and too small because you know you will need them again (even if you hope that the big ones will never be used again)? Here is the method I used to break that pattern, and the reasoning behind the method.

Note: When I talk about “the perfect weight”, I mean the perfect weight for your natural body shape. Never look at your body as raw material for cutting out the kind of body we see in media. You have a curvy or straight bone structure; you have muscular or skinny legs; you are tall or short; you have a round or flat behind. This is about changing your body into its healthiest form. When you have that form, it’s time to love your body for what it is and not keep thinking about how it is different from the supermodel bodies.

Step 1: See the future

Paint a picture of your future, after you have your healthy, happy body. What are you eating? What exercise are you getting? Be realistic. We all know that we will not be going to the gym seven days/week for the rest of our lives…but we also know that there is no such thing as eating chocolate pudding for breakfast when living a healthy life.

Write down the way you see yourself eating and moving. Take any help and inspiration you need, like recipes, tips for getting more exercise into your everyday life, help from a therapist or support group (if you have emotional reasons for eating the way you do today). But I am not telling you to go on a hard diet or exercise routine yet. For me, it was small things like taking away the butter on my sandwiches and the candy I had every Saturday, as well as signing up for a dance class once per week. We are more likely to stick with healthy habits if they fit smoothly into our lifestyles.

Start living your future life today, and see your weight dropping. Don’t expect miracles here; just enjoy suddenly fitting into your clothes a bit better. After a while, you will stop losing weight. This happens to everyone and it doesn’t mean that you have done something wrong. It just means that you have reached the point where the energy you put out (by moving your body that weighs X) is perfectly matched by the energy you put in (food). If you are truly eating and moving the way you know you want to eat and move for the rest of your life, you have now found your perfect weight. Congratulations! But let me guess: you still don’t feel satisfied with what you see in the mirror? That’s because your work isn’t over yet.

Step 2: Sculpt the body

You are now eating as much as you need to keep the body at its perfect weight. But weight is just a number. It tells us nothing about what the body is made of. The most common thing for people to do when they reach this point is to go on a hard diet and exercise plan, with a lower number in mind. Sometimes you reach that number, sometimes you don’t. But if you reach that low weight, how will you keep it? You can’t be on a diet forever, and there will be times in life when strict exercise is not an option. When you weigh less, your body uses less energy and needs less food. So, as soon as we start to eat normally, even if it’s in a healthy way, the body has a surplus of energy that it stores for future emergencies. Hello, caveman body.

This is why I will not tell you to focus on losing weight at this point. This is the time to go on a stricter diet, yes. This is the time to go on an exercise plan, yes. But the goal is to replace fat with muscle. You will keep your perfect weight, so that you can eat and move like you were in step 1 when this is all over, instead of being on new diets all the time. But you will change the shape of your body until it moves better, looks better and has a better defence against illness and aging effects. When you have turned your body into the healthiest version of itself, you can relax. Eat and move as in step one and know that this is enough to keep the weight you have. Your yo-yo living is a thing of the past and you can finally enjoy the effects of your hard work!

Quick repetition:

Realize what your body can be
Change eating and moving to your future ideal
Wait for weight to stabilize
Diet and exercise with focus on building muscle
Go back to eating and moving as in step 1

BEWARE - you might be a Socialist!

2009-10-12T20:56:00.005+02:00

As a Swede, it's hard to keep from laughing when angry protesters label President Obama a "Socialist" for trying to reform the US health care system. Actual Socialists here in Sweden know that Obama and his party have a long way to go before they can host an international convention for socialist parties. Swedish Conservatives know that they are more socialistic themselves than any US party will ever be.

But the most laughable thing of all is that pretty much every single American is socialistic to some degree (just like Swedes, because no real person subscribes to a political system to 100%).

You don't believe me?

Put your hand up if you want private schools to be the only option for your kids; if you want highways that depend on private owners to maintain their own little stretch and charge you for using it; if you want private mercenaries to compete for war contracts instead of a national army; if you want local vigilantes to enforce their own brand of justice instead of real police and courts doing the job; if this sounds like the country of your dreams, then, CONGRATULATIONS! You're probably not much of a Socialist! To make your dream come true, you can start by burning down a local library and then hang around to see how many people show up with buckets instead of relying on the fire department...

Those of you who actually enjoy the centrally operated services you take for granted today...you're just going to have to accept this ugly side of yourselves. But would that be so bad?

From what I read in American media such as The New York Times, the people who fear Socialism the most are usually Christians. That makes me want to ask: Can a Christian really be anything but a Socialist?

Consider, if you will, the distribution of bread and fish. Consider Jesus and his rejection of riches, his compassion for the poor, the sick and the outcast. Consider the money you put in the church collection (yes, your hard-earned money given away freely to make life better for those needier than you). What does this sound like to you?

"But the Republican party stands for decency, for the upholding of traditional values", you argue. Are you sure that Jesus would come back today and praise you for making sure that people who rub body parts with other people who have similar body parts can't adopt babies who might otherwise suffer greatly? You don't think that Jesus would consider turning away from people who can't afford healthcare, letting them die from conditions easily treated by excellent doctors in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, a much greater indecency?

As far as values go, there is a saying about Socialism that shows how fundamentally close to Christianity it really is:

"The measure of a country's success lies in how it treats its most unfortunate citizens."

Bring out your Bible (although you should know already what I'm talking about, since it's one of the basic instructions on how to get into Heaven) and look up Matthew 25:40.

The bottom line is this: if you want to eliminate suffering, and you belong to the 50% who suffer least in the world, you have to give up some of your comforts to reach that goal. No, it's not fun. But buying into the capitalist idea, that wealth is something that can grow without any real substance and spread to all people without taking anything from anyone, is only going to inflate the bubble you live in and make the POP! so much louder and more unpleasant one day.

Meanwhile, people are still suffering. Time is ticking.

My kids say - Nudity sells

2009-10-10T19:11:00.004+02:00

I woke up this morning to a house full of unwashed clothes. During my recent 5-day work trip, my husband had handled laundry and made sure he and the kids were well provided for. My own clothes, however, were somewhat behind schedule. When working in my clothing store, I make sure I'm wearing clothes from the latest collection, so that I can both look good and be an inspiration to my customers. This morning, every potential outfit was in need of a good wash. I made a comment within earshot of my daughter E, 8 years old.

M: I need to wash lots of clothes today, or I'll have nothing to wear to work next week.

E: Sure you do. Your skin!

M: What, you think I should go to work naked?

E: At least it would attract lots of customers!

My daughter, the marketing genious. I couldn't be more proud.

My kids say - V's dangerous day

2009-10-04T09:15:00.003+02:00

My 5-year-old daughter V comes in the tiniest, most non-threatening packaging anyone can imagine. But when she opens her mouth, things sometimes come out that make Dakota Fanning's spookiest performances pale in comparison. Good thing she always finishes with a giggle...or is that really good?

Two days ago, the following conversation took place while waiting for my hair to be cut at a salon.

V: Mommy, I want one of those dolls that you do things to (pressing and pulling an invisible object with her little hands) and things happen to other people!

M: (after some confused seconds) What, you mean a voodoo-doll?

V: Yes! You hurt the doll and then it hurts the same on people!

M: (trying to keep the conversation "normal" and at the same time figure out what's going on in her daughter's head) What would you do with a voodoo-doll then?

V: (with narrow eyes and dramatic, hissing voice) Hurt those who are mean to me...

M: Who's mean to you?

V: Oh, there are maaanyyy...

An hour later, we were having lunch al fresco and a wasp climbed into my cup of soda. I trapped it in there with another cup and ran around a corner to release wasp + soda. As I went, I told the family I'd have to sacrifice my soda. As I walk back to the family, mission accomplished, V comes running with her own soda cup.

V: I wanna sacrifice my soda too!

M: No need for that, the wasp is gone now!

V: (shaking her cup and fist at the sky and looking like a tiny Hulk) SA-CRI-FIIIICE!!!

We bought some bread at the bakery and got on the bus to go home. After an unusually silent minute, V points to the plastic bag holding the bread.

V: I wish I was as white as that bag, all over... And I wish my eyes were ALL DARK, nothing white left at all... And I wish my teeth were long, like this (indicating with her fingers).

M: You mean like fangs?

V: Yes, faaangs...

M: So you want to be all white, with dark eyeballs and fangs?

V: Yes, for Halloween!

*phew*

I was starting to worry a bit...and also wonder if we should cancel Nickelodeon.

My kids say - an introduction

2009-10-04T09:06:00.002+02:00

In my banner (yes, look up there, top of the page) I'm promising that this heavily opinionated blog will also feature something as saccharine as kiddie quotes.

Besides being a darn good way to lighten the mood when my rants get too serious, what business do they have in here? It seems completely out of place, right?

No.

My kids are a couple of the cutest, funniest and smartest creatures to ever open their mouths, and they have a small but loyal fan base at facebook to prove it.

There. It doesn't get much more opinionated than that. ;)

Pouring money through church filters

2009-10-02T23:02:00.005+02:00

Sweden is considered the least religious country on the planet. As many as 85% of its 9 million inhabitants declare themselves atheists or at least non-believers in God. Compare this to 9% of the US population and you know you're not in Kansas anymore.

In light of that, it should come as a surprise that 82% of the Swedish population belong to religious organizations (churches or similar). There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this inconsistency: 74% of the population belong to the Church of Sweden, the ancient, Protestant/Lutheran church that up until just a few years ago counted every single person born in Sweden as an automatic member. A few years ago, membership became optional and people have dropped out ever since. Still, most Swedes stay on as members out of pure habit, even though they only visit "their" church for major events such as weddings and funerals. Yours truly belongs to that majority. All members of the Church of Sweden pay taxes to the church to fund everything from renovations of church buildings to paychecks and support to developing countries. This seems fair to me: I'm a member, I pay taxes to them and they use the money where they find necessary.

What about the remaining 8% of the population that belong to other religious organizations than the Church of Sweden? These are the people that belong to the Roman Catholic Church, different Baptist and Pentecostal churches, Jewish congregations, Islamic congregations etc. They do not pay taxes the way CoS members do. Instead, it's more common for members (especially of Baptist/Pentecostal/Evangelical churches) to pay a tithe or similar to keep their congregation afloat. However, these organizations have another source of income: subventions from the Swedish government.

These subventions (aka subsidies) can only be received by religious organizations that "contribute to the upholding and strengthening of the core values that society rests upon". According to an engaging debate article in Expressen, the Swedish government will not give money to Jehovah's Witnesses because they don't fit this description, but they will give money to Catholic, Islamic and other organizations that go against the values of a majority of Swedes on such issues as gender equality and homosexuality. The reasoning behind this is that the government definition of "core values" is that they must be "universal and longterm". The Swedish tolerance for homosexuality and hard-earned rights for women are considered brief anomalies which will soon be swallowed by the universal tide of history, if we are to understand the Swedish government.

In order to deduce how much money should be payed to each of these religious organizations, the government asks each organization to report their number of active participants. The more members, the more money. With the organizations themselves in charge of counting and reporting, the temptation to over-estimate the numbers can only be restrained by strict guidelines for member-counting. Sadly, no strict guidelines exist. Because of this, some churches are counting anyone whose name has ever appeared in their registers, whether they can even locate that person today or not. Other churches count heads at every wedding and funeral, even if it's obvious to anyone that wedding and funeral guests aren't necessarily members of that or any other church whatsoever.

In these dire financial times, more and more voices are raised in favor of religious organizations because of the economic support they lend to the weakest among us. My response to that is this:

If the Swedish government would stop putting money into churches and spend that money through the fine institutions already dedicated to the purpose of supporting our weakest instead, more money would end up directly in the hands that need it most. No one benefits from filtering that money through churches first but the churches. Is that really what Sweden is all about? Not in the opinion of this 0,0000001% of the population.

Note: all statistics in this post are from 2007 in order to keep reliable correlations.

Take that test drive before marriage

2009-10-01T22:01:00.008+02:00

Twice in the same day, a brand new topic came at me: people who stay virgins after getting married.

It started with an episode of the Tyra Banks show while channel surfing and continued with a link in a blog I found earlier today. After that, an hour or so went into Little Red Ridinghood-ing the web for more and more articles on the topic. What drove me to read more and more was of course the big question: WHY? Why do some people first "save themselves for marriage"

(I don't like that expression; it focuses on the virginity as a precious thing to give away/up once and never be recovered again, instead of focusing on the pleasure of sex as a thing that grows and gets richer the more you let GO of your precious virginity. Also, save "myself"...that choice of wording really shows a sick identification with the virginity and little else that makes up a personality.)

and then KEEP saving themselves even after "I do"?

The answer to that question came in different shapes. One of them is easily excused (as long as it's dealt with in all available ways: medical problems for the man or the woman.

Same thing goes for the next one (which isn't as common as the first reason): sexual trauma after rape/incest/similar.

But all over the Internet, the final reason blazes a clear trail: sexual incompatibility and/or issues with ones own sexuality.

Some of these people are homosexual and either in serious denial, or wishing to be in a heterosexual marriage to keep up appearances and stay accepted in their congregation. Both partners suffer and will never make it work together.

But the healthy, unmolested, heterosexual people (most often women, so I will speak of women from now on) who remain when these categories are out of the picture seem to suffer from a fear of letting go of the purity they were told to cherish and make an important part of themselves for so long. They thought that putting the ring on their finger would automatically make them into wives that do all the things wives do, including making love to their husbands with no problems at all. Natural instinct would do the job for them. It works for the entire animal kingdom, n'est-ce pas?

Only they forget that animals never save themselves until a life-long commitment is made. No. Animals practice. And so should they. I mean, they practice everything else before getting married: cooking, paying bills etc. What makes people think sex is any different? In order to give pleasure, you must know how to receive pleasure, or it is all as fake as a cheap porn movie and comes closer to degradation than love-making. And in order to receive pleasure, you must know and feel comfortable with your own body, but also know your own sexuality, what turns you on, what gets you "there". Sure, you can argue that there is plenty of time to find these things out together with your spouse. But what if that partner that seemed like the perfect friend and partner in every other way isn't the right partner for you?

This is the point where the discussion inevitably leads us to that tired metaphor: You wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive, so...

At reading that metaphor, people seem to reflexively divide into two teams without even thinking about possible compromises. Group 1 consists of people with plenty of premarital sexual experience. They will read this and agree vigorously, thinking of their own experiences and not being able to imagine their married sex-life without them (although many will have a few regrets in the back of their memories). Group 2 are the ones completely opposed to premarital sex. Upon reading the metaphor above, they will accuse group 1 of wanting everyone to act like sluts to justify their own behavior, and maybe even counter with another tired metaphor about the purchase of cows (how degrading is that btw?), thinking that all experience must come from multiple, reckless, emotionless one-night-stands.

Now, I'm all for that test drive. But I'm not asking anyone to take the entire used car-lot for a spin before tying the knot. Just please, at least listen to the engine purr of your chosen Rolls Royce, stroke the soft seats and try out the gearshift (so at least you know you don't prefer an automatic ;) ).

As for the people that are so uncomfortable in their own skin that any partner would be incompatible: it's not enough to take the test drive. You have to earn your license first. There is no need to purchase hand mirrors, Kama Sutra-books and pole dancing-classes. Look at what you're using to scroll this page. Yeah, that's all you need to get started. And please, get started in time. Maybe it will save your marriage. But most importantly, you will save yourself.

And I mean that in the good way.

Make the alcohol and drugs visible

2009-09-30T21:26:00.005+02:00

Every day, newspapers, radio and television flood us with news of differing importance. The main category of news these days seems to be "celebrity news", while the smallest category consists of what was once the focus of all serious news media: real, world-changing, life-impacting occurrences such as wars, elections, environmental and financial issues.

Right there in the middle, between the prominence of articles about Playboy-bunnies having their chests enlarged, reduced or both within the same month, and the dwindling existence of serious issues that actually affect millions of people, we find a category of news I like to call "violence pornography". That expression will be material for another day, but for now, I will just quickly explain that I mean the articles about stabbings, shootings, car accidents, family traumas, neighborhood feuds, robberies etc.

Sometimes (not often, but sometimes), towards the very end of such an article, there will be a small mention of drugs or alcohol being involved. This is especially common if the article concerns a traffic incident, but if you look for it hard enough, you will also find it casually mentioned in articles about stabbings (drunken fight outside a bar), shootings (party that got out of hand), child abuse (alcoholics for parents) and robberies (money needed to finance drug abuse). If it's mentioned at all, it's mentioned almost as if the writer is embarrassed to point it out; like someone is forcing him/her to include that fact. However, it's always mentioned in very short, simple words after all other details have been explored with as much sensationalism and excruciating attention to gory detail as possible.

Most times, the factor of drugs and/or alcohol is never mentioned at all. It's only if you take the time to go over police reports and court transcripts that you see how overwhelmingly present that factor really is.

I propose a law that forces newspapers to mark all alcohol- and drug-related crimes and accidents with a banner, perhaps in a specific color. Likewise, radio and television news would have to mark in words which segments are directly or indirectly caused by alcohol/drugs.

Naturally, this mark would spread far outside this category of news, well into both celebrity and international news. Drunken celebrities causing mayhem is as common as third-world countries producing and trafficking drugs to fund weapons.

Let the public see in a clear way how much damage is actually done, not by accident, but by the rampant use of drugs and alcohol around the world, and people might actually start to understand that all these horrible things do not happen all by themselves; that they're not impossible to prevent. Give me a law like that and I give you maximum one year before people all over the news-reading/-listening/-watching world start clamoring for change.

Now, whether the same people will then understand that the change has to come from themselves and their own behavior...that's another day, another battle to fight.

Tough business woman

2009-09-29T19:39:00.002+02:00

You know the saying: "It's nothing personal, it's just business"?

I believe that saying was first uttered by a man, and that men now don't even have to say it. If they do say it, it's more for the ritual of saying it than for the fact that it needs to pointed out. You see, business men already know this. Business is kept apart from personal lives. Sure, a man might give his buddy a great deal on something. But if finances are shaky and a deal isn't a possibility at the moment, it's "sorry, nothing personal, just business, ya know".

This saying is most often used to justify something unpleasant. Someone needs to be let go; a partnership isn't viable anymore; a supplier bypasses the middleman...and the sentence that is spoken to smooth things over and make sure there are no hard feelings that might make future meetings uncomfortable IS...you guessed it: "It's nothing personal, it's just business".

For women on the other hand, this saying works quite differently.

Women in general do not know how to separate business and personal lives. There is a whole lot more "feeling" than "thinking" going on when a woman is asked to consider her work and the people she works with. Now, one should never underestimate the importance of following your gut instincts. But too many women have made bad business decisions, such as choice of branch or partner, based on wanting to keep good personal relationships all around. Even the handling of money can be emotional rather than rational for a lot of women, but that's a topic for another day.

Since women don't "know" that some decisions are just business and not to be taken personal, it is often needful to say it straight out. But saying it doesn't seem to grant the same release as it does for men. Quite the contrary; a woman saying it out loud to another woman actually points out how uncomfortable the situation is and how she is failing in keeping it as personal as women prefer things to be. Not only is she failing at that, but she's failing at being a "real female" and surrendering to the "male" way of doing business, something that is grounds for exclusion from typical female networks.

For a woman to dare say "It's nothing personal, it's just business", she has to be very secure in her role as a business woman, very secure in her relations with other business women and female employees or willing to risk her comfort and privileges in female circles.

Welcome!

2009-09-29T14:06:00.000+02:00

I am interested in almost every topic there is, and the more interested I get, the more opinions I form. Taking 40-minute showers and riding buses for 2 hours every day gives me more time than most people to think up arguments and counter-arguments.

Why keep all that to myself? I've never been good at keeping silent anyway.

So, I step up on this digital soap box and I will not get down until I've said everything I want to say.

What's more fun than standing on a soap box? Getting comments from the people around the soap box, of course! So, if you agree with what I say and want to say so...or if you think I'm SO wrong that you have to get it off your chest: Use the comment function. That's what it's for!

Let the insanity begin!